When the Lord revealed M to us, our newly adopted son. We asked God all of those scary questions that everyone else is thinking when you tell them you are adopting an older child, especially a boy. I think it is sort of funny to see the look on people's faces when they ask how old he is and we say "well, we really don't know. The orphanage says he is 12 but our agency thinks he is 9". We asked God, what if he is violent? What if he has been sexually abused? What is he doesn't want to be adopted? What if he is rebellious? What if bringing him home will 'ruin' the flow of our home and family. And probably a thousand other questions adoptive parents ask themselves. All of the what ifs are at first a bit overwhelming. Then God comes in once you stop freaking out and settles your spirit. He gives you the faith and stamina to move forward, again. For us, bringing four kids home in 4/5 years was a journey of a lifetime. I am just now realizing what a roller coaster we were on. It is REALLY sinking in. God TOTALLY was driving that train. We were just willing passengers.
So here is the real reason for me writing this post. I want to give you a real 'account' of what our first 6 months have been like with an older adopted child (no he is not our first older child)....let me just say, we are thankful for the challenges that M has brought into our lives. It has caused us to really get serious and live more intentionally. Also, we are thankful that none of the scary questions above are reality in our sons life. Glory to God.
The first 3 days that M was home was no picnic. He was tired, scared and couldn't really communicate with us (or simply didn't want to). His orphanage behavior was very different from behaviors we allow or experience in our home. But something happened on the 4th day. It was like a settling came over him. He tried to communicate with us. He wanted to interact with the other kids. He enjoyed discovering his surroundings. He expressed that he liked his bed. He LOVED eating 3 big meals a day (he still does). He liked the bathtub and shower. He liked his clean clothes. He was excited to start school. He HATED the Dr. Visits. He loved swimming. He learned to ride a bike. Everything we did as a family he participated in without any hesitation and not too much resistance. Yes, things like chores or long car ride. Even the not so fun stuff seemed to flow. Just like a normally functioning family. But, I knew not to be sucked into thinking "oh, we've done so well, we have adjusted into a family of 8 without any trouble at all". I could tell he was not letting it all out. He was really enjoying the ride with very little effort given on his part. Things were going pretty well and continued like that until about a month ago. School started to get really hard. People were expecting him to behave and learn and to be challenged far beyond his comfort zone. He began to dig his heels in at school and at home. The survival skills showed up like a roaring tiger. He didn't like the feeling of losing the control he had over us and his teachers. He was being nudged out of his comfort zone and it turned. - He was no longer trying his hardest to "get it right" he chose to buck the system at school and at home. Maybe one day when I have more time I will go into specific detail about, cheating and lying but for now. I'll just leave it alone.
M is coming out of his survival mode daily. His panic of not being in control is turning to trust. He is trusting us and his teachers. He is talking about things that bother him rather than lying about them. He is reminded daily of the things he must do before leaving the house and he likes the boundaries he has,even if he won't admit that most days. He feels safe. The 'exhale' that he is experiencing right now is good. It is a process that I am confident God is using for his good. To mold him into the man of God that he will one day be.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
I came to a conclusion while we were in the the 'thick of it' - "we can't fix him, only God can do that. It is our job to love him"......and that we do, we love him deeply. He is our son.
